glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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