nut hugger
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
