saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
