she woke up with a sticky ear
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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