Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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