Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
