those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
