why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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