I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
