i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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