I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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