Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
