He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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