I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
