i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
