I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
