i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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