sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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