What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You dont lie about slip and slides
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
