I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
