I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
