So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
