the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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