On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
