i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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