your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
