I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
