So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
