im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
