I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
