New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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