i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
