u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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