I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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