my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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