I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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