Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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