bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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