bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
