The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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