dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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