I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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