So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize