I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
