Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
