Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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