so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
