He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
