I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
