I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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