I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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