True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Randomize
