I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
