I wish i was in the wii world.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
