The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
