Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
