I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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