Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
