fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
