I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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