We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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