haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
