What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
