I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
