if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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