Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We have started to decorate penises.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
