so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
