I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
