All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
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