I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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