Tell her she can't have a vagina
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize