My underwear smells like fireworks.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
