So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
