the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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