Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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