I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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