I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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