as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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