R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's the barista slut.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
