Who did Billy Mays play for?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
